About

My name is Ryan Langdon and I write what is on my mind. 

16 thoughts on “About

  1. Hi! I just read your article about the inner voice/monologue.
    I actually have schizophrenia and my inner voices are very different. My auditory hallucinations are the only “inner monologue” that I have. My true “inner voice” doesn’t exist. I only have loud noises that represent emotions and feelings as opposed to voices that talk.
    All I voices i hear are not in my voice, but instead in a different voice. And the noises I hear are similar to thunderstorms, background noise, or heavy traffic.

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  2. Hi Ryan, I read your post about the way people think and now MY mind is blown. I was texting two people immediately before reading your post, so I asked them. They thought I was weird for asking how they thought, but they both said that they hear their own voice. But here is the KICKER. One said he hears his accent stronger sometimes (Insert mindblown emoji here)! I am not going to be okay for a VERY, very long time now. Thanks! Lol

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  3. Dear Ryan…I’m sorry for being bold & addressing you by your first name…I mean zero disrespect. A friend sent your “internal voice” article this a.m. I too am a writer; worse NOT succinct! I do not hear the internal voice. I have to speak out loud. BUT, my brain won’t shut off & is Pi, the number, for all intents & purposes. Yet, it deviates as it repeats these two rules of my behavior: 1. DONT treat others the way you DONT want to be treated…2. It’s easy to be sweet when you get what you want. Your character shows when you don’t. What’s your character?
    My worst character flaw is optimism. I assure you it’s a painful flaw. I wish on a star every night that people could see themselves through my eyes…they are resplendent & shimmer & glow. I must speak out loud to myself which I do often. I blurt out, shout, laugh, mutter random ideas & disgusts & joy. I pace. I write hastily bc I am tangential…as you are discovering. Oft times I start an article w random words that I don’t even recall ever using or how do I know the meaning of such word? Hmmm…it’s as if all this shit has been absorbed in my grey matter patiently awaiting its birthday cake spring out of the cake or jack in the box jump ready to make its presence known & “surprise! Remember me? Use me here.” I’m not unaware of daily life, too aware actually. I am very kind to people & if/when I can will do more then asked for anyone. My internal voice is much like one response I read. When I read, silently, I don’t read out loud to myself, I see the entire scene as if it’s a movie, even textbooks…I see a scene, the people, their voices, their decisions & how they came to be. I burst out with an “exactly” or “this is horse shit” often. I think people think I’m crazy when I talk to myself out loud if I’m heard….I’ve gotten relief here now by wearing earbuds which I do regardless, but people think I’m on the phone now! Ha! What really impacted me is your letter to Meg. The tear tracks rolling & some causing forever chasms or beautiful rivers direction down my cheeks…i can’t type anymore

    Thank you Ryan. I would like to say it’s been fun this am…it has been real fun…it’s been real. It’s been fun. I guess it’s been real fun? I really have enjoyed your provocation. Thank you. My grand respect to you & for you. If there’s a “email list,” please put me on that fan club distribution to the masses list! I don’t write because I want to. I write because I have to.
    I text to my friends a Tuesdism…a thought I had or plain blasphemy, you choose your own adventure if you will. I’ve been asked if I have a site, et al. I would IF I knew what that meant. I’m tech stupid. Head in sand & stubborn. I have no interest in tech & should this email get to you, I am actually proud of myself. I enjoy pen to paper & my old Remington is a beaut! I’m a chic, 40, no technology knowledge period. I don’t know how to change my WiFi password, no shit! MF-ing (moving forward…)

    Tuesdism (01.21.2020 by ak)
    “Cynicism is a choice not a feeling. No good song was ever written about it either.”
    Tuesdism (01.28.2020 by ak)
    “Enthusiasm is rarely caught & never given.”

    All my best,
    annie

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    • Yes! Every day I wake up with a song stuck in my head! Since my daughter and her 19 mo old moved in I’ve lately awoke with, “Pete the Cat, he’s one groovy dude…🎶 he’ll put you in a happy mood! “😎 Ya gotta watch it on amazon prime. Anyway your post made me wonder about my inner dialogue. Can you give me a more definitive explanation? Also I have tinitis so bad it’s deafening. Wonder what effect that has other than driving me to the brink…

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      • Also I see every word in my head as words. Like when someone tells me their uncommon name I always ask how to spell it. It’s all like written words everywhere, floating.

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  4. I read your blog about your internal conversation. I have both an internal conversation but when I am talking to some one my internal conversation is not in words, it is in pictures. Sometimes still photos, sometime a comic strip and other times like an old time movie. I just everyone had both.

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  5. When it comes to having, an internal conversation with yourself, like what’s portrayed in many movies, I always just thought, that is was just a way, for the director to let us know about, the characters thoughts in an easy understandable manner, not something that people actually do.

    For me, I have never had this “internal voice”, I always thought of thinks and such, as movement and physical shapes, like, how a gearbox on a motorcycle works, but for not so long ago I found out, that I cant see pictures in my head, not like I didn’t knew about this, but rather, like when people tell you to close your eyes, and see a bright red apple in front of you, I never saw anything, just the inside of my eyelids, but I did imagine the shape of the apple, the size and texture and such, and I only recently (after 23 years of being alive), that this wasn’t what you might call “normal”, I think it is called “ Aphantasia”.

    But when I’m reading a book, I don’t see any pictures in my head, or hear any narration from reading it, but what I feather experience, is just one word passing along water the next, I still understand what I am reading, and it makes sense to me, and i do remember what I have read, but the story or the information,l that I am reading, rather collides with the way I Experian imagining thinks, like a full 3D object like the apple I mentioned earlier, but this time, it’s more of a big bundle of, well everything from shapes and sizes, to textures, even to emotions a little, and this is what I usually remember, when I’m reading something, or even when I’m having a conversation with myself, it’s not by words, but rather movements, shapes and even feelings, combined to give me something that reassembles a sentence, it’s not like I’m speaking of some kind of third language in my mind, based of shapes and such, but rather, it’s a placeholder for the words and the way I want to express myself,

    Personally, I find it quite hard to imagine anything, or even come up with a sentence, without having to either draw it on a piece of paper, write it down, or even having to say it out loud to myself.

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  6. A combo of everything lol. I don’t control it like some Mutant X lol; different situations and emotions come together to make a “path”. I.e When I am lost in homework I tend to lean to a concept map. If I make a mistake I write it down and circle/underline and make other lines to show different ways about going at it again; Talking to a student about an assignment my monologue comes in! Anxiety keeps me from turning the option mode “off”

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  7. You blew my mind, sometimes I catch myself standing still, staring at the air/wall/infinity, sometimes smiling and having a full blown conversation (it’s like I’m making a scene in my head or sometimes I’m doing a re run of a situation but with me giving a better answers…’cause I’m extremely introvert (you should look into this introvert/extrovert thingy combined with these inner monologues)
    Anyways I’m intrigued.

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  8. Let me really blow you away. I want to know how deaf people process. Someone that has never heard words. This is so interesting to me. I can’t stop thinking about it.

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  9. Hey!
    The first time I heard of this was in high-school when a friend of mine told me that she just thinks in pictures, not in words. I was confused? How did she mean that? It’s really fascinating! I think what might interest you could be cultural differences in thinking style, as there are a lot of differences especially when comparing east-Asians and westerners. Also in terms of using language when thinking 🙂

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  10. I tried this with pictures once. I found out that I have Aphantasia. It’s a fancy name for people who have no capacity to visualise the thoughts in our heads. I had the same experience of having all of my precious concepts blown out of the water. I went on a mission to find out why I couldn’t think in pictures. I quizzed everyone around me. I found out that everyone does polarise around a central peak on the normal distribution. Half of the people I spoke to were visual. The other half were not. Then there was an extreme tail, a small proportion of people i quizzed were hypervisual or aphantasic like me. Hypervisual people would imagine whatever I was talked about like an eyelid movie.

    Of course. If there are people with internal dialogue, and people without, this pattern of distribution possibly mirrors how we think visually. I have the internal dialogue. An internal narrator that narrates everything. I have full on committee meetings as well. They can be useful. Or not. I usually need an agenda. That’s a mental discipline. But it actually makes sense to me, that not everyone is like me. There are many hidden things of which we do not speak, and this has been one of them.

    That would be an interesting study…

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  11. Dear Ryan,

    In the aftermath of your blog post I think you were blown away by the huge interest (and support) of a huge community of freaks that is more alive and kicking than we have ever imagined.
    Nobody talks to us, so please, since you already started, shine your light. Tell us what you fell, show us how you think.
    Talk to the people that are feeling alone with their so called mental issues.
    Please exchange ideas with the scientific community with the same amount of rigor and skepticism they project on us, and stay close to the freaks.
    We know the treatments are absurd. We know the research is not good enough. We know they try to cure us with ideologies. We need to talk free about who we are and what we feel and think. We’ve all silently accepted for far too long to leave our brains and souls in the hands of the kleptocrats.
    Keep up the good work!
    Write me if you need help or anything else,
    um4n

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